Archive | March, 2010


31 Mar

I’ve been struggling recently with balancing and prioritising the various areas of my life.

It’s certainly true to say that I have rather a lot on my plate at the moment, but I’m sure I’m not the only one. Why do I seem to be the only person who struggles to know which tasks need to be prioritised? Why do I carry around enormous sackfuls of guilt about ‘neglecting’ my son when others in the same situation as me seem unburdened?
The dilemma is this:
I study in order to improve my career prospects for the future. This will hopefully enable me to work more from home, building a stable financial future for us all.
I need to work part-time until I can build up a big enough client base to support me working solely from home.
I feel that between studying, working & all the 101 other things I’m supposed to be doing I don’t get to spend enough time with my son where I am happy, free and not stressing about crossing another thing off of my mental to-do list!
Should I give up my studying? This would severely limit my future earning potential and be a painful reminder of all the other avenues of study I gave up on far too easily. I fear I would feel like a failure all over again.
Do I give up working? Financially this is just NOT an option.
What am I to do? Until someone invents a pill which gives me limitless energy so I can survive on approximately 3 hours sleep a week, I’m going to be stuck feeling guilty.

Bored, but with a hint of mojo…

23 Mar

Sat in work, trying to call people that don’t want to talk to me, requesting money from struggling businesses. It’s a virtually impossible task, not to mention soul destroying. However, the monotony of this has flicked a switch in me and, although I am slightly fearful to write this in case it runs off and hides again, it would seem that my list writing mojo may be on it’s way back. Yay!

I have a compulsive urge to write down all the things I can think of that need doing. Even if it’s without structure, rather like ‘downloading my brain’ as some of you have suggested.

Of course, I can’t do this right now, I’m in the middle of a busy office, supposed to be collecting debts. Typical!

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Where’s my mojo gone?

17 Mar

Firstly, sorry for the enormous gap since my first post, I promise to try harder from now on!

I’m struggling at the moment to fight the feeling that, despite many positive things on the horizon, everything is crumbling around me and will topple and crush me very soon. I know that seems incredibly melodramatic but it really is the best way I can describe how I feel when I contemplate the astronomical amount of things I currently have on my ‘To Do’ list. Not that I actually have a list right now because the thought of even writing everything down also seems incredibly daunting and makes me slightly want to cry.
You see, I fear I have lost my list writing mojo. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but let me assure you, this is a huge deal for me. Lists are my ‘thing’. I’ve been frequently mocked in the past for the length of my lists (have to contain a certain number of items due to my OCD) or indeed for the sheer number of them. I once even wrote a list of the lists I needed to make!
I am aware I sound like a complete nutter here by the way.
So, I have what feels like hundreds of ‘jobs’ swimming around somewhere in my head just waiting for me to remember to do them.
Ok, you may say, start without a list. This is impossible for me. It’s just not how I work. I need that feeling of complete and utter organisation and focus that a list brings to the task at hand. I crave the feeling of satisfaction you get as you gradually tick items off.
So, I’m stuck. I can’t get my head around writing my lists and I can’t start without them.
What’s a girl to do? Surf the net I suppose!

Spring…A New Beginning?

2 Mar

So, I’ve finally taken the plunge and started my own blog.

Why now?

Maybe it’s the fact that March, with its bright, sunny mornings, really does bring to mind the possibility of a fresh start, a chance to make things better, the hope that something begun now will flourish and grow.

Maybe it’s because my frustration at merely thinking about doing things has peaked and this was the first thing I felt I could tackle to feel better about accomplishing something.

Or maybe its because I was supposed to be working from home this morning and this was a pleasant distraction!

I can’t promise I’ll find the time to make a blog entry every day as my life is rather jam-packed at the moment what with my 19 month old son, my self-employment as a trainee accountant, studying for my AAT qualification, trying to move house and my overwhelming addictions to both the television and Twitter, sometimes in tandem! I even have to try and find time to give my very patient husband some attention!

I’m also a bit of a Luddite so it will take a while until my blog is pretty and full of interesting things to click! Please be patient with me…..

What I can promise to deliver is an honest account of my experiences as I try and find my way to making the most of every aspect of my life!